Monday, February 22, 2010

My my my, I've only been awake for about 45 minutes and already I am having the pit in the stomach feeling of being overwhelmed. I can't really say its a bad thing or a good thing. First, I forgot we were supposed to get some snow, and well, 9 times out of 10 that I heard that statement this winter its been like a spit storm here. Its really weird for me on this side of the state because for so long I was used to all that thick lake effect stuff and we don't get that here. So in my groggy semi sleeping phase of filling up a bottle for Alex this morning and having to blink twice at the site of the snow outside the kitchen window, I was overwhelmed. This was a good kind of feeling for me, now, don't get me wrong, Im really ready for Spring, but wow! snow! I would say 4 plus inches on the ground, and it really is coming down. I will attempt to take some pictures later.

That was the next reason I felt overwhelmed. I have a pretty nice camera thanks to my husband spoiling me, two actually! I have my Nikon D60 and my normal, but still very nice digital camera. I feel really stupid because I am totally in awe of photography, and I really loooove taking pictures, but lately I haven't been taking as many. Nor have I even read my owners manuals. I am more of a hands on learner I would say, but I really think I need to read the books, and internet, and maybe buy "d60 for dummies". Maybe I should try to take a beginners class at either the local college or try to find one in the community. I would really love some better pictures of my crochet, and other things in general....which leads to..

Then I got to thinking about my crochet...and I really got a mix of up and down feelings. Now I have been trying to sell my crafts for a few months now, and I have many supporters that say " Its about time!" but really it hasn't been what I expected. Im not really sure why I expected it to be any different because people seem to either have no clue about "handmade" or the love it. After having a conversation with my husband about my current and recent orders he seems to feel that I don't price properly. I think Im scared that if I have someone ask me an amount that I will sound crazy if I don't make it appealing. Then again, I really do know I deserve more. It really flusters me and I anytime this happens to me with a potential customer, I feel like I have to explain why I charge what I do. I think its really a self esteem thing. Or the fact that Ive had a lot of interest but when I name a price, and then get nothing further from the person, its rather depressing, almost angering. I mean, really? Its not so hard to ask how much, and then if you are put back by the price, just simply say "thanks" or something? However, I do think I have been cutting myself short....mostly because of previously stated reasons, but also because a lot of my customers are friends. Boils down to what people will think of me, and well, I don't really think that is fair. My "talent" is really just a self expression. On a different note, I really get a good feeling when people post nice comments on my sites. This leads me to why I was happily overwhelmed. I have seen so many things via the internet that I really want to do. I really want to take better pictures and possibly sell them, I have soooo many patterns bookmarked or saved on raverly, not to mention books and print outs of them that I really want to do. I think this is bad because my time is rather limited now. I just wonder how these people do it! I think its the fact that their children, if younger, go to school. I think that they must have a lot of free time at work or this is their work. I guess I get to thinking about my future and how I will accomplish all the projects I want to do..probably just going to have to wait til retirement lol.

And lastly, Alexander overwhelms me. I don't mean for this to sound bad. My child is by no means bad, hes an absolute blessing. He is learning like crazy. I am however, very on edge about this surgery. His eye has been clear for going on 3 days now, not completely, but lets just say I could take a picture of him confidently. But avast, I know this is trickery. I know it will come back the second he has a fit and tries to cry. Im nervous about his surgery in every way. I really want it to work and to not have to repeat anything. It is not even til March 16th but then again thats less than a month from now.

All and all, overwhelmed suits me today (so far ;) )

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Le Sigh

Can I just let out a huge and long Sigh for just a moment. The world just never stops for somethings that I feel it should. Im not exactly sure if it is a sigh of relief, frustration, exhaustion, or a mix of a few things, but man it feels good to just siiiiiighhhhhh.

After returning back to town from the funeral services of Maxwell Fuelling, we are still not back to normal. Joshua started a night shift AGAIN, only this one is a bit more reasonable I guess. We will see if it lasts. This way he is able to on and off sleep in, and allow me to do the same, which is great cause Im not really a morning person. He can also give Alex lunch. He misses 2 baths but has been able to say goodnight to Alex also on his lunch break. I like that much, but I dunno.

Ive been working on crochet toys lately. They are rather a pain for me to get used to, but Im getting there and they are getting easier.

Theres Moko the Cat pattern finished. Just have a bunny to get done with. Im not really happy with how the first one turned out so Im going to see if my friend likes the other one better.


Friday, February 5, 2010

Maxwell D. Fuelling